Emma Grede's Comments are Going Viral and I Don't Know How to Feel

Emma Grede is an incredibly impressive woman. Let’s just get that out of the way. She’s a boss by any measure. And she’s getting really honest about something women have historically been punished for saying: That you actually can’t have it all.

Grede admitted that she’s a “three-hour mom”. If you want an extraordinary life, you have to get comfortable with the fact that you just can’t be there for every single moment, she says. 

And you know what? She’s not wrong. 

As women, we have to make choices. Because while the world would probably function better if women could clone themselves, and while we do tend to be fantastic multi-taskers, we are bound by the laws of…you know, physics. 

So yeah, I like that Emma Grede admitted this. I imagine many women, especially moms, breathed a sigh of relief when they heard it. At the same, her comments are calling into question what it means to be an “ambitious woman”.

Ambition in women is already a fraught idea (see: The absolutely bonkers “ambition gap” discourse). Women still do disproportionate amounts of unpaid labor. It’s a nice thought to say you can subvert the norms, but it’s also not always realistic — and when we allow the kind of hustle culture Grede exemplifies crawl back into the conversation, we end of up with a population of exhausted, overworked women — because they’re doing more to be taken seriously in the office, and more to stay afloat out of it.

It’s also worth noting that Grede is skeptical of remote or flexible work, which are especially good for women, and even more so women of color. She argues that visibility and proximity are key to success, and she’s not all wrong. But she’s also dragging us back rather than propelling us forward to a place where we can embrace the idea that women can still crush it even if they’re afforded more autonomy and flexibility. We have enough data and commentary to point out that these things are good for women. 

So yeah, I like the honesty from Grede. And I get it: If a man said these things, especially about how much time he spends with his kids, nobody would bat an eye. Ultimately, Grede is talking about massive success, the kind that requires major sacrifice. 

My take? The comments about how she runs her own life are good. But some of the large-scale cultural things she touches on? Well, I could do without them.